The Paradox of Parasocial Relationships
As I scroll through the Kardashians' Instagram, I often feel a tinge of jealousy. I cheer for my favorite athletes as if they can hear me. I find myself crying during movies when a main character loses their dog. And I feel a sense of outrage when a character in a book I’m reading faces an unjust ending. Why do I care so deeply about these fictional characters and celebrities I will never meet?
Parasocial relationships are unreciprocated connections with people through any mode of media. These “people” can be anyone, ranging from a celebrity to your lab partner from tenth grade. The gravity of these relationships dwell in one problem: the loneliness epidemic.
Though there are many factors that contribute to the loneliness epidemic in the United States, one of them is social media. It affects our inclination to make connections. When we don’t search for a community, we may fill the gaps with parasocial relationships. We live in a time where connection is often mediated through parasocial relationships. These one-sided relationships leave us in a constant loop of loneliness.
To a certain degree, social media brings connections that may not have been made otherwise. Exposure to groups, ideas, and attitudes may even reduce prejudice (Lotun, et al., 2022). Further, social media allows us to stay involved in the lives of those who we may have otherwise lost contact with. It might seem like such a connection would reduce feelings of loneliness. However, increased social media use correlates with increased loneliness (Bonsaksen, et al., 2023). Parasocial relationships aren’t always harmful; yet, when people rely too heavily on these relationships, loneliness increases. This is because parasocial relationships are not reciprocated and the feelings aren’t mutual.
When it comes to influencers, (e.g., YouTubers, streamers, etc.) we feel like we have access to their whole lives. We think we know everything about them. These influencers will even call us their “friend.” When it comes to old friends, who we no longer have face-to-face contact with, we may think that social media allows us to have a window into their lives, and therefore, have a meaningful relationship because we know what’s new with them. For a moment, we may feel a connection and these interactions may even decrease loneliness to some degree. However, these relationships are typically unfulfilling and may never be able to give us what we need. There is value to be found in mutual, social relationships. It’s not enough to know someone when they do not know you. We have a responsibility to ourselves to be known by others.
Loneliness isn’t just an icky feeling you’d like to relieve yourself of. Loneliness has lasting effects on mental and physical health. According to a report by the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention, loneliness can increase risk of heart disease, stroke, type 2 diabetes, depression, anxiety, and even premature death (Bruss, et. al, 2024).
Nevertheless, we don’t have to remain in this seemingly endless loop of loneliness. Here is a two-part solution: (1) limit media consumption and, (2) replace it with community. We can limit social media and decrease our attachment to parasocial relationships but we also need to replace those connections with genuine community. Whether that’s playing pickleball at your local park, joining a book club, or inviting friends over more often, we need to invest in things that get us connected to others.
Next time you pick up your phone to scroll, challenge yourself to call a friend instead. Practice spending time with people. Hanging out with loved ones can be as simple as running errands together. We can practice living life together, in small ways. Moments that we feel slightly uncomfortable because we are beginning to be seen are moments we need. Let’s learn once more, how to be vulnerable, how to be with one another, how to be a community.
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